Have not visited Friendster for such a long time. Many people have left it for Facebook, and it is not hard to see why. However, the new layout for blogs over here is absolutely awesome.
Since no one is on Friendster anymore, I can write more freely here as well!
Moving out, away from the more-apparent-than-real comfort of the place one calls ‘home’, is a challenge one has to take up at one point or another. After a while, I have come to realize one thing: that to really grow is to move out of the place you know too well, and venture into something one deems less comfortable, less familiar and less mundane.
Time alters a lot of things, the tangibles and the intangibles. Time alters realities, ditching old ones with new, how ever unanticipated and unwelcome the new ones are. The changing tides lend a shift in context and dynamics of people’s thinkings, and more often than not, that shift triggers a kind of psychological suffering, a kind of heartache that is indescribable.
An elder’s reluctance and inability to let go, more often than not, will result in a sort of power struggle that ends in torment to self and others. The ensuing bouts of cold shoulders and silent retaliations do make one wonder if these are ever going to get better, and if they do get better, when are things going to turn pear-shaped again. A day? Or two?
I believe one is not destined to thrive in an environment where the presence of a living volcano waiting to explode is so strongly sensed. The tense, occasionally poisonous, atmosphere may well render one insane, assuming one is ever sane to start with. If day in day out, one is stared in the face by the prospect of raw emotions spiraling up into a cloud of unrelenting misery, or down into a pit full of anger and vengeance… then I feel it is indeed time to take a step back, peruse the whole picture, and bid the painful but necessary goodbyes.
The gratefulness will be there for life, the love will stay for eternity. Perhaps, stepping out of the shadows, one might actually find the experience of basking in the sun a rewarding one. And perhaps, one could better serve one’s responsibilities as a child.
Qi
Been rather stressed lately with all the new things that are either happening or going to happen in my life. Been thinking heaps, about how the future is going to pan out; about whether I should be doing this or that bearing in mind the fact that I would be away for potentially a long, long time; about life, surprisingly; about family; about all the different obligations expected of me by the people around me; and about myself.
I like it when I am thinking.
I feel alive.
Friends around me will know I can get rather philosophical at times. I guess I am one who tries to read beyond what is on the surface… and occasionally that can be to my detriment. Behind every action of others I will seek an explanation. Behind every word I will decipher its underlying meaning.
Most of the time, I can use the "reality" concept to good effect.
I think everyone has their own reality. The world one lives in is one’s reality. One’s perceptions of the world through one’s own lenses is one’s reality. If one thinks money is hard to earn and money is evil, that is one’s reality, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that reality.
When two humans interact, we see the coming-together of two realities. This is where it gets interesting. I love noticing the clashing of realities. To me, realities are what separate the financially rich from the poor, the elitists from the egalitarians, the powerful from the weak. There are different degrees to realities as well - some people’s reality is stronger, and some is weaker. No two realities are the same from my observation. As such, if we put everyone’s reality on a scale, we would end up with a hierarchy.
Let’s have an example - a rather common one I think.
"A" and "B" have an argument over a fact (that is, something set in stone).
"A" says the movie is at 7.45pm.
"B" says the movie is at 8.45pm.
The conversation goes something like this:
"A": Movie is at 7:45pm.
"B": Nope, it’s at 8:45pm, I checked.
"A": It’s definitely at 7:45pm, you saw wrongly.
"B": Impossible, this morning I was reading the papers…
"A": You saw wrongly, mate… it’s at 7:45pm.
"B": Really?
"A": Yes.
"B": Oh okay.
Bear in mind the fact that "A" and "B" are both convinced of the time. In this case, "A"’s reality is superior to that of "B"’s, even though he did not check the papers nor did he back his claim up with evidence. "B" read the papers, saw the time, but due to his weaker reality, "B" succumbs to "A"’s persuasion and confidence.
I am sure you have experienced this before. You argued with someone, but were convinced that you were wrong… and then after you have checked, you found yourself to be right, and the other party was wrong! Your reality, in that instance, was weaker.
One’s "reality" is affected by a lot of things, but the main ones would be self-confidence, persuasion and the ability to express an idea exactly like what you have in mind. I think someone of an extremely high IQ but with a weak reality will do a lot worse than someone of an average IQ but with a strong reality. However, I think more often than not, smart people have strong realities… it makes sense really, because smart people are credited for being smart all their lives, and from that they know they are better than the average person. Having said that, when someone smart meets someone smart, there will be a "power struggle" yet again, with the person with the higher reality taking home the bacon at the end of the day.
I have a lot more to say about my perceptions of everyone’s reality, and how I believe one can enhance one’s reality, but this post is getting too long.
Next time, maybe.
Qi
听了这首歌,想起了妳.
一首 "you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone" 的感觉.
"雨天", "你给的伞", 很真, 很有意思.
没想到放弃妳的我也会猛然想起你吧?
Take care.
雨天
站在十字路的交点
该怎么走
我却只剩回头
除了你给的伞我再也没有
别的借口
去拥有你的什么
Chorus
你能体谅我有 雨天
偶尔胆怯你都了解
过去那些大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现
谁能体谅我的 雨天
所以情愿回你身边
此刻脚步会慢一些
如此坚决
你却越来越远
Lately there is hardly time to catch a breath!
So many things to attend to, mainly fun of course. 
Let’s see if I can recall what I have been doing…
Ricky, my KL mate from Perth, came down to Kuching, and lived with me for 10 days. So from the 14th of Dec until the 24th of Dec, I brought him around chucking at him all the local delicacies he could handle. You name it, he’s tried it (and a little bit more!). On and off, Lionel, Lawrence, Kenny and Jerry joined us… like going up to Ching San Yuen (Lawrence, Kenny), Cultural Village (Kenny) etc. I managed to squeeze in meetings with Ying Ying, Jia Yiing, Eugenie and a couple of others. Met Jing, Cassie and Yee Wei before that.
(Above) @ Ching San Yuen
(Above) @ Cultural Village
I also went to Mulu during that time, from the 18th of Dec until the 20th of Dec. This Mulu trip was by far the most random trip I have ever taken. Ricky was keen on going to Mulu so despite it being the wet season, we decided at 4.00pm on the 17th of Dec to go to Mulu against all advice. We went straight to Sak Soon Travel Agency and got ourselves flights at 7.00am the next day - absolute nutcase. Mulu trip was good.
(Above) Day 2 of Mulu - Do ignore the expression.
(Above) @ Deer Cave, the largest cave passage in the world
Ricky left at 11am of the 24th. Sent him off, caught up with some overdue sleep before I went to Lawrence’s house for the afternoon. Went to Bella Italia for Christmas Eve dinner with, let me see, Chien, San, Yee, Rence, Kenny, Wei, Siang, Shyang, Laura, Kshih and Maomao :). I introduced a few of them to Bella before and they all loved it so since we failed to book a table for 12 at Bla Bla Bla, Bella was the next best place.
After that, we went for a few drinks (perhaps a few too many for some lol) at Lounge 2 at BDC. Shu Wei treated us all to a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Thanks man. It was a decent night-out, made better by me rubbing our lucky draw ticket on Kenny’s shaved head. It was to prove fruitful as we won the prize 10 seconds after that!
(Above) @ Lounge 2
Went home at around 2am, slept at around 3am, and was picked up by Lawrence at 7am on Christmas Day to go to Lionel’s St Faith’s Church’s
Christmas Day Service. Had breakfast with Lionel’s Dad, bro and Kenny before that though. After Church we headed to Lawrence’s house for a few rounds of FIFA 2008.
Had lunch with Hsiao Siang, headed home for an hour, before we played football. Harry and Jerry joined us. After football, we had Christmas Day dinner (or was it Ivan’s Birthday dinner?) at Siang’s place. Curry was great, Kachama was intoxicating and prawns were fresh. Oh and I won 1 coin too many…
Next day? Back to work after 6 days off!
You know, having spent 5 years in Australia, and now considering to settle down for good in Kuching, Kuching does feel like a small place - the feeling of having experienced bigger and better things but now leaving all those behind for a place deemed inferior by many.
I guess that is the feeling that makes a lot of people not wanting to come back. Of course, there are other factors as well (i.e. factors like how this land is being run, how the culture here is different, and how the unwritten laws govern 95% of our lives if you know what I mean). When I tell people that after so many years overseas, I am going to achieve and realize all my dreams in Kuching, 9 times out of 10 I will be met with others’ astonishment and ridicule.
It is by no means a foregone conclusion that I will end up here upon completion of my 3-month course in Sydney starting in May 2008 and ending in August 2008. But somehow a part of me refuse to be like everyone else, ditching Kuching for supposedly grander places like Australia, the UK, the US, even Kuala Lumpur. Gain experience, they say. Earn back the bucks spent studying, they say. All sorts of reasons to justify their want of not coming back.
I know if I do end up working in Sydney after my 3-month stint there, it will not be for any of those things. If I do indeed stay in Sydney, it will be because I see a way I can make it big, while at the same time attaining permanent residency. Achieving a PR status will indeed give me more options in the future in terms of personal development as well as children’s education.
More likely than not, perhaps 90% likelihood, I will be back in Kuching. Unlike so many others, I see massive potential in Kuching. The development that is now underway, the influx of funds and foreigners and the availability of various facilities may have taken a while to find their way to Kuching, but slowly but surely things are starting to happen. I want to be here to capitalise when all those people thinking they are smarter and better are off pursuing their dreams (or other people’s dreams) overseas.
I am 22. I am about to qualify myself as a lawyer. These are important times for me. These are times for decisions. Uncertainties, yes. But amidst these uncertainties, there is a degree of excitement.
I have said many times before that I want to do something outside of the legal profession - carrying out a business idea I have had for a couple of years. Time is on my side - chionggggg arh.
Qi
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Eid Mubarak!
Happy Raya, people.
Been picking up a lot of Malay things lately. =)
I think I have been Malay-fied.
Sakina is at fault.
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be.
But we are worlds apart.
Intrinsically.
And thus we will never be.
